Finals week

Getting through with finals this semester seems like it's going to stress me out to the max. I have been running on almost no sleep, and my mind has quit functioning!!! But on the brighter side, I only have one more semester to go... and then I have no clue what to do... but... I will be done with school at least. :) So If I don't walk into a lot of doors or fall down stairs etc... because of the lack of sleep then I'll be good. 

Void

Surrounded by motion
Moving with time
My mind’s in an ocean
Sinking through slime

Surrounded by space
My thoughts feel so void,
Forgotten - erased
Trapped in time, paranoid

The world surrounds me
Pulling me down
I laugh like I’m happy
Sinking, I drown

In the silence I scream
I cry in the dark
I’m trapped in a dream
The silence is stark

The mind has no meaning
Neither reason nor rhyme
It moves through the motions
It wastes all it’s time

Take time for the moment,
the seconds that pass
Love life as it is, being content.
The small things in life are the things that will last

-Bonica

I feel as though I have slipped away from who I am... and who I should be. There is a part of me that wants to just let everything go and hide away where I feel comfortable. I have started feeling like my life is on auto pilot. I get that feeling that I have been in a fog... and I realize that I don't remember what I did the day before or what happened last week.... I have moved through the motions of living... but there has not really been alot of joy or excitement in every moment. I have been trying to get out of this state of mind... and I am feeling better about it the last couple of weeks.

I dont know if I am feeling this way because I have just holed up in my confort zone and stopped experiencing new things... I have stopped pushing myself to interact with people that I don't feel quite as confortable around. I am trying to get more involved in things and break away from the state of "being" and start living again.

But I know that in order to make this change in my life, I need to focus on God again. It is only through Him that changes can be made, only through him that we can find that joy in living.

Thoughts that I felt like sharing... not exactly how I'm feeling right now... but how I have been feeling since this summer. I feel like it will get better though. I am starting to realize how much I have drifted... which is a step in the right direction again I hope.

Trusting

Trusting, hoping, living Day by day
Step by step... in the narrow way
Hearing, listen'g only to His word
What He's said, what I've heard

Loving, Caring, holding on to me
Open my eyes, you let me see
Holy, Lovely, Righteous King

Worshiping now, Your praise I sing

The new fun thing to do...

So I'm writing something on this blogger thing because Andrea made me... so now the world will know all my private thoughts and fear and insecurities.... I guess my life might make entertaining stories to talk about. hmmm.... we will see how this works out. :)